A cybersecurity pro's mom lost $3,000 to scams. Here is what he does now

Jen Eaves works in cybersecurity, and her 79-year-old mother still lost about $3,000 to online scams. Most of it was recovered through the bank. Eaves now follows three habits to keep her mother safe without taking away her phone.

What went wrong

About six years ago, her mother had a stroke. She recovered fairly well, but she was not the same cognitively. Around then, Eaves began to see her fall for scams. Once, she ordered a diabetes cure, though she does have diabetes. The ad claimed a famous TV doctor sold it. Eaves could tell the video was badly made AI, because his lips did not match his words.

There were other problems too. Some online orders never arrived. Her mother also opened a real credit card without realizing what she was doing.

The three things

First, Eaves protects her mother's independence. After the family took away her car keys, the phone became her link to the world. Eaves did not want to restrict it. She points out patterns she sees, says she is there to help, and leaves the choice to her mother. She notes this would be much harder if her mother were unwilling.

Second, she teaches the warning signs. She explained what looked AI-made in the doctor video. She reminds her mother that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Urgency is a big red flag. And the bank, she says, will never call you.

Third, she uses a tool called Trusted Family Access. Eaves worked in cybersecurity at Aura and helped develop it. With permission, it lets family members see alerts from a loved one's accounts. It also puts her mother's information in one place, which helps with medical appointments. Readers should know she has a stake in this product.

Did it work

One day, a caller claimed to be Apple support and asked for her mother's Apple ID and password. That would have opened up nearly everything she has online. Her mother hesitated, patched Eaves into the call, and asked the caller to explain it to her daughter. Eaves said she was proud her mother spotted the scam and asked for help.

What to do

• Talk about scam warning signs: urgency, offers that are too good, and calls from a bank.
• Point out patterns kindly instead of scolding, so shame does not keep a parent quiet.
• Ask whether your relative wants help watching their accounts, and let them decide.
• If money is lost, call the bank and card companies quickly. Some can be recovered.